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Merry Xmas

Hi guys, sorry I haven’t been around for a while. Too much to do and not enough time to do it all, lol.
Hope you all have a great xmas and a really happy and prosperous new year.
Catch up with you all soon
Posted in Personal | 2 Comments

Kerbing ….What The New World Order Don’t Want You To Know

Now before you start calling me a crackpot, hear me out.
Kerbs are the biggest evil this world has to fear.
When I was a kid I remember the council decided to tarmac  all of the back lanes in the area I live….you tend to notice things like that when you’re a kid. Well, because of this eventfilled week of civil engineering festivities I also began to notice that other areas of the town where getting the same kind of treatment…..muddy lanes were becoming freshly tarmaced plazas, derelict land were getting cleaned up, landscaped and pathed, roads in the sleepy villages around the town where getting kerbs in abundance….mmm, lovely I thought to myself and it did indeed look very nice….in the case of the back lanes they were now perfect for skateboarding ….which is another thing you notice when you’re a kid.
Over the years tho I have realised the evil that it is hidden beneath these innocent looking facades.
For starters, those nice new plazas soon became choked with dogshit ….in those days, dogs still roamed the streets in packs. Not wild dogs of course….these were rebel dogs, lol. License evading dogs….anyway the lanes ended up full of crap and smelled like…..well……shit.
It’s now about 30 years later….and all of those lanes are laced with potholes….dogs no longer roam in packs….now, because of the invention of the lead or leash as they say in the colonies, dogs are civilised and drag along reluctant pet humans behind them who they have specially trained to "scoop the poop"…..Not even the apes forced us that low.
And the kerbs! I almost forgot about the "kerbs"…..see, this is what they do, they make you forget about them…..pure evil.
How many countless broken bones have occurred because of "kerbs"? I know of many a broken arm or collar bone that has fractured as a result of a kerb related injury. Why? Because the unfortunate victim forgot it was there…..missed it (they can move) ….or didn’t see it (invisibility).
All of those nicely kerbed country villages have grown as a result of said kerbs….because a kerb demands a lampost….then a wall…..then a house…..then a factory, speed limits….DOUBLE YELLOW LINES!!…..the list just goes on and on. Urban encroachment….the slow and merciless creep of the sprawl that kerbs grow up to become.
Don’t believe me? Check out Mt. Fiji on google earth…..at it’s base is the borg cube that modern Japan has become as a result of kerbing.
Kerbs are pure evil and the root of all the worlds ills……are dogs involved in this invasion? Mm, the bring victims to the kerbs….I’m not exactly up on the stats for dogwalking injuries but I’m guessing that kerbs feature quite high……and potholes no doubt.
Tear up the kerbs and be free! …..do it! ….do it now!!
go on…..you know you want to.
Posted in Conspiracies | 9 Comments

Drugs Are Bad, Mkay?

I read this report on the UK drug problem earlier on the BBC News website

"Home Secretary Jacqui Smith said: "We want to see fewer people start using drugs and for our society to be free from the problems caused by drugs."
"We want those who do use drugs to enter and finish treatment and move on to lead healthy, drug-free lives. "
"We want communities to be free of drug-related crime and we want see tough enforcement of the law."
The Home Secretary went on to say that she also wanted to see Pixies parading down Oxford St handing out free fairy cakes to shoppers and squads of Elves with machine guns patrolling Heathrow and the rooftops of the Houses of Parliament.
…..OK, she didn’t say the last bit but what she did say was equally rediculous.
The UK has ALWAYS had social problems from alcohol and drug use…
…In the 18th century it was gin, in the Victorian and Edwardian eras it was opium and morphine…..I have also read somewhere that both Queen Victoria and the Queen Mother were cannabis users.
There is NO WAY ON EARTH that our society will be drug free! …FFS they can’t even keep HM Prisons drink and drug free.
Victorian society was off it’s tits on opium when they built the British Empire….most, if not all, of the greatest writers, poets and artists of  the 19th century were addicted to something!
It really doesn’t suprise me that the century that saw most drugs criminalised also saw the decay of the Empire and the descent of architecture into "monsterous carbunkle" land.
Alcohol is the ONLY socially acceptable drug left, and it won’t be long before even that’s banned as well.
When will they realise that banning something only makes it more appealing? (Frankie Say’s…remember?)
These "problems" will happen regardless of societies wealth and job prospects. Even when the UK has had 100% employment, people still got pissed on the weekends and, those who were inclined to do so, still got high…..even societies that are still in the stone age use some kind of drug whether it’s alcohol, leaf derived or even, in some South American tribes, coke on a stick.
There are three absolutes in life
1. Every person born will eventually die
2. While men are prepared to pay for sex, women will charge for it in some form or other.
3. People WILL get high or drunk.
These things will ALWAYS happen and NOTHING will change that. Even if the payment is a wedding ring or the high is from worshipping an hallucination in a church.
Posted in News and politics | 7 Comments

Bill Hicks – Rare Unreleased Video (Part 7 of 7)

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Bill Hicks – Rare Unreleased Video (Part 6 of 7)

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Bill Hicks – Rare Unreleased Video (Part 5 of 7)

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Bill Hicks – Rare Unreleased Video (Part 4 of 7)

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Bill Hicks – Rare Unreleased Video (Part 3 of 7)

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It’s a funny old life

Birthdays are never quite the same when you’ve  had a present from Death.
I should, I suppose, be greatful that I lasted until the age of 19 without a birthday fatality. My father’s grandfather died on his 11th birthday, I only found that out a few years back when we buried my father….
….sorry folks this post will include a few fatalities. I wish it didn’t, but it does…..people can be right selfish bastards when it comes to dieing (or is it dying? I can never remember)….
….anyway, back to the plot, after we’d buried him we paid a visit to other family members and there, written in stone on my great grandfathers headstone was my fathers eleventh birthday….I wondered to myself if they had a birthday cake in the wake….I’d have asked him but I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have answered me…..he probably wouldn’t have answered me if he was stood next to me….no chance now tho…..I never saw my father celebrate a birthday….do you think this had something to do with it?
I digress….
On the 20th of January 19somethingorother at 3.25pm my grandmother recieved her best birthday present eva in the form of me….all bloodied and screaming "Happy 50th Mam!! Gis a fag and do that thing with your falsies (teeth) again"……and there I was. 
All went well until my 19th…when my grandfather decided not to hang around for the party (oh, poor me!). Actually, it was the day before my birthday, hence this blog.
I was given the job of informing my uncles of their fathers demise whilst my father remained at the hospital sorting out whatever it is that gets sorted out at hospitals during such times…..I toyed with the idea of just telling one of them, being twins surely the other would know instinctively I reasoned, but thought better of it and spent the early morning hours running around finding them both and ferrying them to the hospital.
I got a bit of kip and then, it being a Saturday night by now and me being 19 in a matter of hours I went out to get totally and utterly wasted in the company of my best friend. We ended up at some soon-to-be-an-Argos nightclub dancing (and kissing) our way firmly into my birthday.
Happy Birthday me I thought.
She died a very cold and snowy death two weeks later when some pissed up Range Rover driver skidded on black ice and demolished her car…..We buried her on a snowy Valentines Day (I’m not a big fan of St Valentine after that either…..or snow)
The following year my birthday sharing Gran died……not on my birthday, later in the year than that, but her presence is missed….you grow up sharing a birthday with someone and you miss them when they’re no longer there.
Anyway, it’s late (or early I can never decide) and I should sleep now I suppose but I just wanted to say one thing
Death….you are a total Bastard. You’ve ruined my birthday and when you eventually come for me I’m going to rip off your femur and beat the living shit out of your bony old skull and then stuff what’s left of said legbone up your …..oh, can’t do that cos you haven’t got one. ….Well, I’ll think of somewhere to shove it!
Happy Birthdays Eve to me.
Posted in Health and wellness | 5 Comments